I played a bit of vs. battle F-Zero GX on the weekend. It’s probably the first time in at least two months that I’ve even turned the Gamecube on. Thinking about having to start a battle over again in Path of Radiance because I’ve permanently lost a party member is enough to get the bile ducts flowing. But I assure you I’m coming to a point here.

When I first got my Gamecube, F-Zero GX was the first game I “reviewed” for the platform. I say that with a smile on my face because in hindisight I completely missed the fucking point of the game. Focusing on things like “story mode” and getting pissy over it being hard to unlock more vehicles (a trend that has sadly continued in every racer I’ve played since) is really not important. I would happily play the game with the default four racers, the ones that were introduced in the original F-Zero. It wouldn’t make a difference. Because F-Zero GX is not about pulling stunts or rewinding time or launching red shells or realistic physics. It is about winning a race. Crossing the finish line is the only goal that could ever matter as the landscape blasts past you at 1200 km/h with the siren blazing that you need repairs badly.

F-Zero GX is about going fast at all costs. It is a racing game in its purest, most concentrated form. And that’s why I still love it.

At its best, Full Auto is a tease. For a game that calls itself “the world’s most destructible racing game”, I guess it’s pretty accurate. You can destroy lots of things in this game. Buildings, street-side cafés, fences – well, as long as it’s accessible from the race track. You aren’t offered much flexibility to drift off of it. And if you were to compare it to Rock N’ Roll Racing as I noted in Part 1, it might be a more accurate representation of the style of gameplay that is being offered.

However, while we were playing I couldn’t help but reminisce about Carmageddon 2, which was a lot more open in its design. I’d even call it ahead of its time. Free form “races” with multiple conditions for winning (like killing a certain number of pedestrians, or destroying all of your opponents), and all of it doused with a thick red coating of ultra violence. As long as you could suspend your disbelief when you ran over the pedestrians with cubic heads. Full Auto doesn’t allow you to simply go after your adversaries and destroy them, because you’re in a race. Unless the objectives at the beginning of a mission stated otherwise, crossing the finish line was the only necessary goal to complete.

To be fair, you can do a lot of damage to the environment in Full Auto, but it has no real effect on the way you drive. You can plow through three fuel tankers causing massive explosions and keep going as if nothing happened. This apparent lack of repercussions is even stranger in the face of the detailed damage modelling of the vehicles.

I found that my car was exploding without any real warning beyond the damage indicator on the bottom of the screen, which I rarely checked due to the fast-paced nature of the action. My vehicle may have looked like a scrap heap on wheels, but it didn’t drive any differently. It didn’t cause me to rethink my strategy to conserve energy or shields – I simply kept driving until I was ultimately destroyed by gunfire, colliding with another car, or simply diving headlong off of the top level of a parking garage.

Though all this can be avoided: the “Unwreck” feature is a Prince of Persia-styled reversing of time to make a jump, avoid a rollover, or even being targeted by an adversary’s machine gun. I wondered if a feature like this was even necessary. Is the ultimate point of Full Auto total destruction or winning a race? Carmageddon had an auto-repair feature you could use while driving (depending on how much money you had available). It was equally unrealistic, but was at least suited to the overall theme.

What bothered me was the lack of originality and variation in the weapons available to upgrade vehicles. They’re often made up of one forward weapon and one rear, and categorized into “packages” like Assault and Melee. Individual components of the sets can’t be interchanged. What’s worse, like the other cars in the game, the weapon sets must be unlocked.

The available game modes are pretty straightforward, and actually kind of dull after the initial novelty of driving clear through a brick building with a hot rod wears off. The most glaring omission was the lack of a free for all or arena mode included in the likes of Carmageddon or Twisted Metal. In a game that’s bent on providing wholesale destruction, why is it so focused on racing? Perhaps I was simply attributing features to the game it was never intended to have.

Nevertheless, there was something about Full Auto that just felt rushed, as if Pseudo Interactive started with a sound concept that got stripped down to meet the “arcade racing” requirement for the 360’s library. I’d call it “Semi-Auto”, but that’s too obvious. It isn’t a bad game. Just an unremarkable one.

A couple of weekends ago I spent the afternoon with fellow über-gamers Tony and Chris, where we gathered for some quality time with Chris’ new XBox 360. I’ve since had the time to record some of the following impressions. Unrelated: Chris is an excellent cook.

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It’s hard to imagine a Nintendo console without a version of Mario Kart. Ever since the mold was cast on the SNES, there have been numerous imitations. Even Nintendo’s own following iterations didn’t seem to capture the same charm as the original. This time Mario Kart DS provides the entire package, borrowing only those components from its ancestors that worked well and created one of the best games I played last year.

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It’s hard to take anything gamespy says seriously anymore, let alone read it at all. Their own arrogance and lazyness have made them irrelevant, and even though they’re usually the first to review a new game I can’t honestly name anyone who considers them a trusted source. Not like gamespot is any better, with their ads slapping you in the mouth every couple of minutes to make sure you know that what you’re reading isn’t free. But at least they don’t pull any exclusive shit just so that people will visit their site every once in a while. In their latest efforts to shock gamers, a recent “Spy/Counterspy” alleged that Nintendo has lost their knack for originality by releasing slightly different versions of past titles. The case in point was obviously Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, and seeing as how the game is all but placed on the pedestal of best of 2003, I’d hardly think that it’s a result of Nintendo being comfortable. Moreover, the award of multiple Golden Joysticks to some of Nintendo’s titles released this year shows that they still have the ability to create an engaging experience. In the business of games – especially consoles, where their typical audience has the attention span of a goldfish – you need to put out those types of titles to bring in new gamers that may have otherwise turned an eye away from your console. I would have hardly considered a Gamecube on the sole basis of say, Viewtiful Joe, but show me screens of F-Zero GX or Metroid Prime and I’m right up against the glass. It should also say something that during the Thanksgiving weekend south of the border, Nintendo has reached #1 in console sales. The reasons have been mentioned before, but again I am very happy for them.

As promised, I’m going to try and string together a few sentences to describe my experiences with Mario Kart: Double Dash!!. The day we got it, both of us were grinning and wide eyed. It was a great looking game, it was colorful (a typical characteristic of Mario games), the controls were dead simple, and of course the tried and true Kart racing gameplay was all there. But this time, you get to bring a friend.

The addition of “co-pilots” for each kart was a great gameplay decision, because it opens up a cooperative approach to the Grand Prix. Victory can be shared by both people, even when one isn’t that great of a driver, because they’ll be the ones lobbing shells and banana peels at your opponents. Of course if you decide to play versus the AI or Human opponents, you’ll have control over your accompanying character. You can throw either forward or backward, and although you can’t see anything behind you (a rear view would have been nice) it’s pretty obivous when someone is trying to overtake you.

The kart designs are fun and clearly represent their intended drivers. As with Mario Golf, character size has the most impact on Kart performance. The small characters will only be able to drive the light karts, which will accelerate faster but have a low top speed. At the opposite end, the big characters like Bowser and Wario will only be able to drive the heavy karts, which tend to go a lot faster but have poor acceleration. The game supplies some highly impressive visuals in this respect. All the characters are smooth looking and well animated, right down to the rear character shifting their weight when you make turns. There are more karts and characters that are unlockable through winning the Grand Prix on each difficulty level.

The power-ups shouldn’t be unfamiliar to fans of the SNES original, however Double Dash gives each character their own special power up. My personal favorites, the Koopas, can carry three shells at once, providing extra ammunition to secure first place. The most entertaining is the Chomp Chain, which is Baby Mario/Baby Luigi’s special ability. I remember seeing this thing in Link’s Awakening. It’s a giant, barking, sharp-toothed ball on a chain that spins out all opponents in front of you while giving an added boost by pulling your cart. Another great feature is the ability to “steal” powerups. If you bump into an opponent on the road, your partner will automatically reach out and steal any powerups they are carrying.

One thing I noticed while getting used to the controls is that I couldn’t seem to press the “Jump” button that was so handy to get over barriers or take shortcuts in the SNES version. Quickly scanning the game manual I found that there isn’t a jump button; you can’t jump at all in Double Dash. After playing through all of the Championships numerous times, I can’t really say that it’s a necessary thing. But when some of the track shortcuts require a Mushroom boost for you to leap a chasm or risk falling to your doom, I begin to miss the ability to jump.

Battle mode is probably the most disappointing part of the game. Being weaned on the excellent SNES version, I was expecting larger, track-style arenas – not cage matches. The areas are too small and it’s far too easy to win both the “Shine Thief” and “Balloon Battle” modes. Even the way the balloons are oriented – floating above each kart – are a pale imitation of the 16-bit predecessor, where they rotated around the bumper.

Completing all the main Championships at 100cc unlocks the Special Cup, which in my humble opinion is the best set of tracks in the game. Wario Colliseum, Dino Dino Jungle, Bowser’s Castle and Rainbow Road – the names smack of Nintendo’s usual sillyness but I assure you their designs are ingenious, and shockingly similar to F-Zero GX’s. Maybe it’s just me playing too much F-Zero GX, but they definitely had the same feel. No track barriers, and an ample amount of corkscrews, powerslides and gravity-defying turns for your kart.

As I said before, the feeling I get after playing Double Dash can be compared to meeting up with an old friend and not having anything to talk about except the past. Yeah, those were good times, weren’t they Mario? This is by no means a bad game; the level of quality and polish upon which Nintendo prides itself is clearly present. However beyond going through each Grand Prix there really isn’t much to it. If you own a Gamecube, you can do no harm by purchasing Double Dash; even in comparison to other so called “kart racers” it stands apart.

Lucky for me, a friend that works at EB hooked me up with a copy of Double Dash with the Bonus Disc. I never really expected to get much from the disc; happily I was surprised at what was included. The Star Wars: Rebel Strike demo had a foot mission where you dodge lumbering AT-ATs on the plains of Hoth armed only with a blaster pistol, which was most likely the opening level of the game. I found myself wandering around aimlessly in the third person, asking myself “that’s it?” repeatedly. Not exactly the way you get people to buy your game. The minigames included from Mario Party 5 were fun, and it would make a great investment for some fluffy multiplayer action. Sonic Heroes looks great; Sonic Team has successfully recreated the thrilling speeds that were first experienced in Sonic’s first adventure on the Genesis. Controlling three characters at once and having to stop to use their special abilities makes the gameplay a bit choppy, though. But I was won over by the smooth camera panning when my three-person team separated at the bottom of a series separate loops to run around them individually. It’s one of many slick effects, and aside from the awkward controls I’m pretty much sold on this game. The Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles movie made me want to weep. How could I have underestimated this game? Even The Wife approved. It’s pretty obvious from recent posts that this is on my watch list for 2004, and could be next year’s Wind Waker – the reason people buy a Gamecube. It’s never too late.

straight over a cliff and into the sea