in which the Episode III action figures are discussed

There used to be a time where I would practically leap onto the shelves of any store that carried a full wave of Star Wars action figures. Back when I was a serious collector (which if you're really curious, was up until about 5 years ago) there were certain figures out of each wave that were almost impossible to get, because they would usually end up in the hands of store employees opening the boxes and keeping them for themeselves. If you got to a store with a freshly unpacked display of figures, you'd almost always get first pick of the entire collection available at that time. Otherwise you're forced to pay a ridiculous markup at comic stores, where they were more than likely supplied by said store room unpackers. Such a vicious cycle.

Yesterday I happened to be in a department store's toy section out of pure coincidence (I swear), and I saw their enitre Episode III product line spread out like a Star Wars collector's banquet. I was unmoved, however, because after a few select glances at the figures displayed, my suspicion that Star Wars action figures have reached a nadir was confirmed.

Ever since the first wave of Episode II figures the actor likenesses were taking a serious downturn. Obi Wan and Anakin looked nothing like their on-screen counterparts. Like figures starting as far back as the Episode I series, they also suffered from bad paint jobs. In the first wave of Episode III figures, Obi-Wan was sporting a Grizzly Adams beard complete with an odd looking splash of grey. What is this, Hasbro? Your version of shading? Or is it meant to age Obi-Wan? It looks like crap. Anakin looks like an emaciated goth that just wandered out of a Misfits concert. Moreover, despite obviously wearing some maternity tunic, Padme looks about 40 years old and nothing like Natalie Portman. These are core characters that have been made all but unrecognizable.

I could forgive the occasional accessorizing that didn't exactly mesh with Star Wars canon. Aside from Luke Skywalker looking extra buff and coming equipped with some kind of grappling hook, it was still Luke Skywalker. He had a lightsaber. The Episode III version of Yoda comes with a giant bowcaster or something that shoots a rocket. I'm sure this has something to do with the film, but Yoda of all people should not be packing a piece of weaponry that's twice his size. And look at his head! It deeply saddens me.

Even the Original Trilogy series that was started last year has been taking a dive. Mark Hamill is by no means an attractive man (at least that's what my wife tells me), and yet they manage to turn Luke Skywalker into some kind of Dagobah swamp troll - ugly even by Yoda's standards. Are they even using reference photos anymore?

All this is telling me that Hasbro is getting lazy, and Lucasfilm by extension for letting this crap through as official merchandise. Who gives a shit if the action figures look like the actors - let's get them on the god damned shelves, right? I used to justify to myself that I was getting these figures for a complete collection, but not anymore. Call it growing up or simply the feelings of a jaded Star Wars fan - it doesn't matter. It's movie merchandising at its worst.

you've been lying to me

the art of spawn

When I was a serious collector of action figures, a trip to Silver Snail would always keep me abreast of what should be in stores if the stock room fanboys didn't always get their hands on them first. I was foremost a Star Wars collector, with Todd McFarlane's Spawn action figures as an occasional distraction.

While I was never much of a fan of his comic, I always respected McFarlane for approaching his property carefully. While Lucasfilm would stop at nothing to plaster Star Wars on any item under the sun (and essentially creating the action figure industry as we know it), McFarlane took complete creative control over his empire, making sure that branding of his hero was consistent across all media. The dark and often violent Spawn cartoon and the mediocre movie that essentially captured McFarlane's immature mentality was all under his direction and at least maintained his anti-hero's manufactured image.

However the action figures were where he really caught on to something amazing. Until McFarlane Toys, high quality action figures were almost unheard of; instead, you'd have to purchase a limited run 12" statuette for the same level of detail. McFarlane took this idea and mass produced figures that could easily be added to any kid's collection - as long as their parents didn't mind buying a toy drenched in blood or draped with human skulls - while still appealing to the serious collector, who wouldn't be ashamed of displaying them alongside conventional models or maquettes.

Maybe I'm giving the guy too much credit, but I see McFarlane's line of toys as a real watermark for quality and attention to detail, while still making them moderately posable. And he's since branched out into Sports action figures, movie-inspired figures and er..."original" concepts mostly following the same theme, but still of outstanding quality.

I've been out of the action figure game for some time now, and on a whim I decided to check out my local discount chain to see what was on the shelves for Christmas. I half expected to see empty racks in the action figures section, but when I came across some select members of Spawn Series 26: The Art of Spawn, I grabbed a couple that caught my eye knowing that I'd probably be paying twice the price at a hobby store or comic shop. The two figures up for discussion are Issue #7 and Issue #8.

Issue #8, which remains imprisoned in plastic, appears to have no points of articulation and resembles an immovable hunk of plastic. Which is fine, I suppose, considering the pose. However Issue #7, whom I removed, is most disappointing in its inarticulateness. I have a fascination with Spawn wielding really large weapons, and the Issue #7 figure only has rotatable forearms, which are basically useless. His posture is cast in stone, eliminating any ability to reposition his aim. His left hand is closed in a grip, making it impossible to fit the handle of the second weapon in without wrestling with the thankfully flexible plastic. And even the cape, which was molded to wrap around the lower half of his body, doesn't sit right on the ground, exposing his feet. It just looks weird. For a successful integrateion of posability and a completely over-the-top arsenal, see Spawn IV.

Not that I ever played with Spawn toys (cough), but the fact that I could re-pose them when the mood suited me was reassuring. And because no action figure is perfectly balanced - especially ones with this many attachments - the ability to adjust limb joints to get them to just stand was essential. Maybe the Art of Spawn series is meant to approach model quality, but for a mass market toy it's serverely limiting.

If you just look at them though, they truly are a sight to behold. Issue #7 perfectly captures the version of Spawn displayed on the cover. You really have to respect a toy manufacturer who is meticulous enough to recreate veins, musculature and real chains. I wouldn't call this my return to collecting Spawn action figures, but it seems that in the last few years McFarlane's ambitions for the series have changed in favour of the premium action figure collector.

half imagined