a dark alliance
On a whim I decided to check out Dark Alliance for the Gameboy Advance, more because it was just there than actually wanting to play another game underneath a pile of new releases. I suppose overwhelming frustration surrounding my playthrough of Guardian Heroes Advance made me want to occupy myself with something more palatable on my portable game system, while not breaking the bank. Not to mention that there are only so many clever variations on the word "fuck" you can put in a review. Dark Alliance has recently evolved into a boilerplate for North American developed console action RPGs, and with the first game being cross platform I didn't expect much from its GBA counterpart, like the releases of Prince of Persia and Splinter Cell. In any case, I gave Dark Alliance a fair shake but there's probably some things you should know before tackling this one yourself.
- Contrary to popular belief, the city of Baldur's Gate is really, really small. Consisting of the Elfsong Tavern, a Weapons/Armour dealer, a cemetery, and, most surprisingly, a shitload of sewers.
- Barrels in civilized parts of the city cannot be broken. Perhaps this is from some enchantment put on them to keep the city free of debris, or to maintain the integrity of all storage repositories. Step into a dungeon, though, and you can smash barrels until you're blue in the face.
- You can't carry more than two duplicate items at a time. Don't even try. I guess the vendors are worried about you flooding the market.
- There will be an unavoidable bug at the end of the first act that prevents you from finishing the game. If you do not complete the quest in a particular fashion, charted by some unknown satanic ritual, you will break your save game and must begin again. Did I mention you get only one save slot?
Along with the faceless, unchanging character models, the indistinguishable monsters, and the completely bland environments that should embarrass the beautifully hand-painted backgrounds of Baldur's Gate, it was reason enough to go back and play Link to the Past again. At least there I can kick some god damned chickens.
I don't remember saying