By now I think it’s pretty obvious that Hollywood isn’t satisified to settle for boring adaptations of hack novelists and instead are raiding the material that geeks have held dear for many years. I made the mistake of visiting Apple’s Quicktime Movie Trailer Emporium on the weekend, and so I present my findings in full.

• Spider Man 2: What more can I say? I was more than happy with Raimi’s directing on the original, creating a believable yet fantastic story about a young man learning to live with his new found superpowers. Seeing Doctor Octopus realized in live action gave me goosebumps; my cynical side expected to see half-assed attempts at CG. This is one I don’t want to miss.
• Van Helsing: I know this isn’t based on a comic, but I believe that it possesses a bit of “geek cred” based on the main actor and the subject matter. I watched it intently, awaiting the shining moment that would make me want to run out into the streets to see this movie. But alas, it never came. Big budget summer blockbuster? You bet. Captivating story? Hardly. With all the cameos in this film, I’d sooner compare it to The Monster Squad than a suspenseful action movie. Luckily Mr. Jackman has no reason to worry about being typecast, as he’s had an extremely diverse career. Which is probably why we’ll see a Wolverine solo picture before we see X3.
• Hellboy: Ron Perlman is one of those actors that always tends to do a fine job in a supporting role. This time he’s been cast as the lead in this oddball sci-fi/fantasy comic book adaptation. Since no one outside the sphere of comic book fans will be familiar with the material, this film will more than likely surprise the typical audience. For this reason I think it will do well. The trailer is intriguing without resorting to the characteristic choppy editing of most big budget action movies.
• The Punisher: Someone please tell Marvel to settle down. With three new properties hitting the screen in as many years, it will be easy for things to get out of control. And in the case of The Punisher, I believe they have. I found it disturbing that I was able to predict that the ominous voice in the background would utter the phrase: “They thought they had murdered him. But they were wrong – dead wrong” before its end. How John Travolta made it into this one I’ll never know, and I think that Dolph Lundgren’s original will be better almost by default.

By some masochistic principle I viewed the trailer for Kevin Smith’s latest, Jersey Girl. Please, if seeing Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in the same frame causes you to lapse into a Gigli-like coma, avoid this one. I’m extremely disappointed at Smith’s obvious choice to go the safe, sentimental route. What, doing the ultimate fan service wasn’t good enough for you?

I heard Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was a very tasteful and reverent addition to the Terminator saga. The previous two films that gave us a very jarring look at a possible future ruled by machines many years before The Matrix was an accomplishment indeed. However while watching it this weekend I couldn’t help but ask about the necessity of a third installment. Judgement Day was prevented in T2, so why not leave it at that? The T-X had some suprising tricks up her sleeve, but even the chase scenes were rehashed. Claire Danes did not belong in this film, and it is clear that something was missing from the beginning. The ending is wide open for a sequel, so if you don’t mind seeing Arnold go through the motions one more time, the multiplex is waiting for you.

I make a list to throw it away